Letters From The Heart
by SunFlowerViolinist
Summary: Sixteen years had passed. A box of unread letters, a beautiful little girl, that's all she had. It was her reason for living. But, what happens when he walks back into her life. The man from which her daughter gets half her genes. All the regrets. All the time that has passed. Can they still find love?
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Gilmore Girls. Enjoy **

_Dear Rory, _

_By now you have realized that am I gone. I know that you will never understand this, but I want you to know it had nothing to do with you. I just … everything is fucked up. I love you and I hope one day you won't hate me. _

_- J _

Sixteen years and yet she still finds herself rereading the stupid goodbye letter every damn time she runs across it. She didn't know what the hell she was doing going through those boxes. They only hurt her more every time she sees them. She should have thrown all this junk away years ago, but then she would have to let go of him and she just couldn't do that. "What the hell was I even looking for in these boxes?" She called out as she looked at the mess spread out on her living room floor. It wasn't a moment later that the reason she couldn't let go of that letter, of him, walked into the living room only to laugh at her.

"Grandma and Grandpa's wedding picture. The one of them and us." The sixteen year old girl answered as she flopped down on the sofa. Looking at her she sees him again. The child had his dark hair, that adorably annoying smirk, but her bright blue eyes. She was glad that he gave her the wonderful young lady in front of her. Most people would hate him for leaving her eighteen, pregnant, and scared. But, this way she got to keep him with her in a way because she had Sophie.

"The one where you have cake on your dress or the one where Luke is looking at her boobs?" She asked as she held up two pictures taken nearly eleven years ago. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that her mother and Luke actually got married. Therefore, it was hard to believe that they were about to do it all again. She never understood why people make such a big deal about renewing their vows, but she can sort of see it in this case. Before it was a small wedding. Luke's own daughter wasn't able to be there because her mother hates Lorelai. It was basically just family and even then just the Gilmore side. Luke's own sister didn't show which was surprising. The least surprising no show though was Luke's nephew. The same man whose genes make up half of her daughter.

"I would leave out both just to play it safe." Sophie replied as she looked over at her mother. "You look like the boxes attacked you." She added with a laugh as her mother finally got up off the floor.

"Laugh all you want, but you would be sad if the boxes killed me. You wouldn't know what to do without your wonderful mother." Rory replied with a laugh as she sat down next to her daughter only to have the doorbell ring a moment later. "GO AWAY!" She yelled just because she didn't want to get up to answer the door.

"You are such a drama queen." Sophie replied as she got up. "That would be our food by the way. I called Luke's why the boxes tried to eat you."

"I knew I keep you around for something!" Rory called back as she smiled back at her daughter who was walking to the door. The one good thing about having a stepfather who owns a diner is free food and often free delivery. Luke was always looking out for them. He seemed to think that Rory would forget to feed Sophie. She didn't know why. She always knew the best take out around. It's not like she would risk her child's life and actually cook.

"Mom, its grandma!" Sophie called as Rory sat up hearing the door shut.

"Wow, you sound so happy to see me." Lorelai replied as she walked into the room to see her daughter sitting on the sofa.

"We were expecting take out. I thought you were coming over tomorrow?" Rory asked as she looked at her mother.

"Well, I need to talk to you … alone." Lorelai said making every red flag go up for Rory.

* * *

He looked up at the William's Hardware sign and just smiled. He used to hate how this place never changed, but now that he was older he found old comforting now. He wasn't sure why he came back really. When his mother told him about the upcoming wedding, he just saw it as an opportunity to show his uncle just how much he did for him. If it wasn't for Luke and … Rory … he would have never made it as far as he has. He just hoped that Luke would forgive him for leaving the way he did all those years ago. He didn't see why he couldn't it had been almost seventeen years for crying out loud. He felt every pair of eyes in the diner turn to stare at him as soon as he walked in. "Jess." His uncle muttered as he looked at him.

"Luke." He said as he just stood there. He wasn't sure what was going to happen.

"Upstairs, now." Luke muttered before yelling "April cover." He had heard from his mother that Luke had some long lost daughter. He figured that would be April, but he didn't get to see what she looked like because Luke pulled him upstairs like old times.

"I have been gone for sixteen years what the hell have I done to piss you off?" He asked as Luke pushed him into the apartment.

"That's just it. You have been gone. You just left with no concern for anyone else." Luke huffed. "Damnit Jess do you know what problems you being back will cause? No one has been able to track your ass down, trust me we have tried. And now once things have all fallen back into place you come back." Luke practically yelled as he walked across the room. He grabbed a large box and then dumped a bunch of letters on what used to be Jess's bed. "Here. She wanted you to have these. I have a diner to run." He said before storming out. He just walked over to bed and looked at the envelopes. He just picked one up and immediately recognized the handwriting that wrote his name out. Rory. He tried not to think about how he let her down all those years ago. She was the only person in his life he truly loved and he ran out when things got hard. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn't risk bringing her down with him. There must have been hundreds of letters sitting there. Why didn't she just give up on him? He just braced himself as he opened up the first letter that he touched. There were photos tucked in the back of the envelope, but he just left them there without looking at them. He wasn't ready to see her face. He just looked that handwritten note.

_Dear Jess, _

_I find it so hard to believe that seven months have passed since I have heard from you. It seems like yesterday that we were happy. Everything was working so great, and then that party. I don't know if I have said this in my other letters. I know that have been a little more than emotional in them, but can you really blame me. I just want you to know … I don't regret that night at the party… I find it impossible to regret that night. Maybe it is because I love this child so much. I can't wait till I finally get to see her. It's coming up you know. I guess you figured out by my last statement that I finally broke down and found out the sex. I just had to know … it was bugging me so much. I wish you were here. Somehow I feel like this baby would have cracked your tough guy exterior. It would be nice to have someone to gush with when she kicks. But, I am trying to understand. I still love you._

_Rory_

He had a daughter. Now he understood why Luke was upset to see him. He wouldn't have left if he knew. God, why did he had to be so damn stupid. He found himself to pull out the pictures to see Rory with a growing stomach through different stages and then a sonogram picture. He felt a tear run down his face as he realized that was his child. His child that was a teenager by now. His child that didn't have a father because he was stupid. He missed out on sixteen damn years and for what. He hated himself for this. Part of him wanted to run to the Gilmore's house right now. Pray that she would be there. But, instead he just picked up another one of the letters and opened it.

_Dear Jess, _

_You would never believe this, but our little girl is out on her first date as we speak. It's unbelievable how fast time has passed. It doesn't seem right. She was playing Cinderella and now she looks like a princess all dressed up in her first formal dress. I cried when Todd came to the door. You would hate him. I hate him a little. A complete jock jerk, but Sophie has to be able to make her own mistakes I guess. I am not saying that if this goes bad I won't lock her in her room till the end of time though. I feel old, so I am just going to go wallow in my old age as I wait by the front door for her to get home. I love you. Please come home. _

_Rory_

There was a picture shoved in that one too. It was a Polaroid of a young girl probably around thirteen standing by a staircase in a purple dress. She had his dark curls, but her mother's bright blue eyes. He would have scared the shit of the boy who took her out. She looked too young and innocent to be dating. Even if her mother wasn't all that much older than her when she had her … five years at the most, but still. And her name was Sophie. He only assumed the name came from Luke. Luke's mother's name was Sophia and Luke had a tendency to go on and on about never having a daughter to give the name to. He thought Liz should have tried for a girl too … well that was till he realized she wasn't a good mother. Bad parenting must run in the family.

* * *

Walking into the kitchen with her mother she knew the relocation wouldn't do any good. She could hear Sophie moving so she could still hear them. "Mom what is going on, you're starting to scare me." Rory said as she watched her mother pace around the kitchen. Something big was up. Lorelai was never good at hiding her fear from her face.

"He's back babe." Lorelai muttered as she sat down at the small table sitting in the middle of the room. He's back. Wait did she mean him? No, it's been sixteen years he wouldn't come back.

"He?" She asked just trying to figure everything out. When her mother didn't say anything she changed her question. "Jess. Jess is back?" She asked. Lorelai just nodded as she looked down.

"I saw him at the music store when I went to get Sophie's Christmas gift." She just sat there processing her mother's words. She always hoped one day he would come back. They could be a real family. Him, her, and Sophie. But, she gave up on that. It had been sixteen years. Sixteen years of him not knowing about his daughter. He would probably hate her, but she tried so hard to find him. But, it was clear that if Jess didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be.

"Do you think he knows?" Rory asked as she thought about the box of letters sitting above the diner. She thought about running and getting them before Luke handed them over. It's been this long already. Jess probably wouldn't even piece it together if he saw Sophie.

"I don't know." Lorelai replied watching closely as her daughter got up and walked towards her bedroom. Rory just looked at her daughter. She could tell that she knew what was going on. Rory never hid Jess from Sophie. She would tell her stories about him. She kept a few pictures of him lying around so the little girl knew where her looks come from.

"I was supposed to meet up with Caleb, but I can stay home if you want me to." Sophie said as she stood in the doorway of her mother's room.

"Are you kidding me? Go have fun." Rory replied as she smiled up at her daughter.

* * *

He looked at the table in front of him. He had placed out all the pictures that were in the letters. Just about every damn envelope had one or more pictures. He wonder if it would have hurt less if he didn't see just how much he missed out sitting there in front of him. There were Halloween customs, dances, and a picture of her in a cast. She looked so much like her mother with a cast on her arm. It hurt him just as much as looking at Rory after the accident all those years ago. He took comfort in the fact that she hurt her arm jumping off that old swing by the lake, not by an someone else's act of stupidity. He looked at the piece of paper where Rory had scribbled her address down after telling him how happy she was to be able to buy that house. It was small, but perfect. That's how she described it for him. He wondered if it would hurt her more if he showed up on the porch of the little Peach Street house. Would she even want him there? He would understand if she didn't want him around. He left. He hurt her. He walked away from them. He wanted to kick his own ass for not coming back sooner.

* * *

"So, it's really him?" Caleb asked her as she looked at the water below them. She loved the bridge since she was a child. Most likely because her mother would bring her here and tell her stories about her father. They really had a good love story until you get to the end. The whole running away like a scared little child didn't make him look good. She looked up and smiled at him. They were a lot like her parents. People always telling her she is too good for the bad boy, but they never seen this side of him.

"I guess. I mean how many freaking Jess's could really be in my mother's life." She replied as she lost her smile. She wasn't sure how she felt about all of this. He was gone for this long; maybe he should have just stayed gone. It was clearly hurting her mother to have him back. "I just don't know how to feel about this. Part of me wants to hate him. He left us. But, then I remind myself that he never knew about me and my mother could have stopped him on that fucking bus. Why did she just give up on him?" She asked as she looked at the water again. "It's not like I never think about what it would have been like if she did. What it would have been like to have him there with us. In theory it sounds great and I know that she still loves him. But, it's too late now." She said as she felt an arm snake around her. It was comforting and just what she needed.

"They have their own problems; all you need to worry about is what you are going to do." He said to her as he carefully rubbed her back. "You might finally get to understand why everyone says you're just like him." He was trying to make her happy, but she just wondered more about everything as he talked more. She worried about her mother. She worried about the person she never met hating her. She just worried.

* * *

He walked towards the old bridge. He just needed to think and that seemed like the only damn place in town that he could think. It had always been that way. But, as soon as he turned the corner he knew that was a bad ideal. There was a couple sitting there in their spot. No one else ever came to the bridge. It was just him and Rory. That's why they loved it so much. Then he saw the young woman stand up. She was the one from the pictures. He felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest as he looked at her. That was until her blue eyes met his. She just stared for a moment too, before looking down at the boy with her. He smiled when she kicked his side. Rory just to do that to him when he took too long getting up. He knew they probably thought he was a complete creeper as he just stood there. That was until the boy with her just waved and said "Welcome back." She knew it was him. Rory had told her about him. That made his mind up for him. He practically ran to Peach Street. There was a little yellow house towards the end of the block with the name Gilmore written on the mailbox.

He thought about one of the pictures that she had left for him. It was clearly taken right out here in front of the tree in the yard. It was Sophie's first day of high school. The grass was greener in the picture and the tree had leaves that had clearly left once winter set in. It felt like an out of body experience as he knocked on the front door.

* * *

"I'M GOING TO PERSONALLY KILL WHO EVER THE HELL IS KNOCKING!" Rory called as she tried to get through the maze of boxes that were sitting on the living room floor waiting for someone to place back in the closest. She would have put them up by now, but she has a feeling her mother will call looking for something else by the end of the night. Once she finally made it to the door she was a little more than annoyed.

"I would understand if you killed me on the spot." The voice from the other side of the door said as she opened it. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure this was real. She hadn't heard that voice in forever, but she could never forget it. But, sure enough there he was. The same brown eyes, dark hair, it took everything in her not to kiss him.

"Jess." She breathed as she looked at him. She wasn't sure what to say. What do you say after sixteen years?


	2. Chapter 2

"_Jess." She breathed as she looked at him. She wasn't sure what to say. What do you say after sixteen years?_

She felt like the breath had been knocked right out of her as she stared at him. She dreamed about what this moment would be like. What he would say or do if he did ever show back up, but none of that came to mind as she stood there. All she could think about was he was there and how she still loved him after all these years. She didn't know what to think when he moved in to hug her. "I wouldn't have left if I knew." He whispered. Most people would see that was an excuse, but that is what she waited sixteen years to hear. She believed that he meant it because she could see the pain in his face. She didn't know what to say or do. Deep down she was afraid if she did the wrong thing this all would disappear, he would disappear, and she would wake up from a bittersweet dream. She felt the tears running down her face as she just let him hold on to her in the doorway. She didn't pay attention to the nosey neighbor who was sitting out in their yard watching what was going on. She wondered for a moment how he knew. No one in town would tell him, she knew that well. Everyone wants to look out for Sophie's feelings. Then she remembers the box of letters that she kept at Luke's.

"You went to Luke's." She finally choked out as she pulled away from him trying to hide the tears that she had shed from him. He just nodded. She just stepped aside letting him in the house.

* * *

He walked into the house not knowing what to really expect. He knew that she should hate him, but he knew from her letters that she didn't. Or at least she didn't want it to seem that she did. She led him into a small living room full with boxes covering the floor. Sitting on the table next to the sofa he saw the sad little letter that he wrote all those years ago. He didn't know why the hell she kept that letter. He could have … no should have written out so much more. Actually that wasn't true… he should have stayed he knew that. He wished so much that he did. Even before he knew about Sophie … his life was not the same … not worth living really without Rory. "Sorry about the mess. I was looking for some old pictures earlier." She mumbled to him as he watched her standing in the doorway as he looked around.

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Ror." He said as he looked at her screaming 'Please don't hate me' in his head. Then again another part of him knew that she shouldn't be this nice to him.

"Yeah, well I don't want you to take Sophie away from me because of my bad housekeeping." She replied awkwardly. He couldn't tell if she was afraid that he would really try to take Sophie away or if she was making a joke. A failed attempt to lighten the mood.

"I would never try to…" He said afraid that she meant something behind that comment. She just nodded at him.

"I didn't want to keep her from you… I never wanted it to end up this way. I looked for you for so long, but by the time I found Jimmy you were long gone." She said rambling on just like she used to. He couldn't help, but to smile at her as she did so. Even if it wasn't the time, he just missed being around her.

"Things didn't really work with Jimmy. Should have predicted that … he left after all." He mumbled back to her as he walked towards the mantle. His attention had been drawn to the pictures that lined it. "I went to Yale looking for you. I couldn't find you. Ran into Paris, she gets better with time." He said sourly with a laugh.

"I wouldn't know we got into a fight right before graduation." She added as he looked at pictures of Sophie, Lorelai, Luke, and her. One caught his eye in particular. Sophie was just a toddler and Rory was holding her up her up by her hands. She was wearing his old Clash shirt. He had left it with Luke. She must have stolen it from there. "She was a late walker." She said weakly to him from across the room. He turned to look at her. He could tell she was pained as she thought back. He felt his heart drop to the floor when he saw a tear run down her face as she looked at him with a weak smile. "Luke said that she got that from her daddy." He could tell that she was struggling with the words that were coming out of her mouth. She looked like she was going to fall down as more tears came. He walked slowly towards her not knowing if she even wanted him to. "I have spent…sixteen years listening to … everyone tell her how much she is like you…I have tried so hard…to make sure she knew…the you I did…you can't hurt her…you hurt me once…I won't let you hurt…my daughter." Her words were drawn out and broken up as she fought sobbing.

* * *

When she felt his arms encircle her body pulling her closer to him, she remembered why she couldn't let go of him. She loved him too much. But, she never thought she would be this close to him again. And even if she was a mess at the moment she knew that this was the best feeling in the world. "I know you can't trust me in your mind. You don't know how much I hate myself for leaving like I did. I haven't been able to look at coffee in fifteen years without getting teary eyed. I love you so much and I couldn't let go of that. And knowing about Sophie only makes me hate myself more. And one day I want you to believe that I will not leave you two again. I am all in this time. Like I should have been back then." His words only made her want to cry more. She had to keep reminding herself that this wasn't a dream. She was so used to thinking about what would happen if he came back and said all the right things … just like he was doing. Never once did she ever logically think about what to do after that. She was trying to figure out what to say when the front door opened up. She could hear Sophie's laughter and the sound of Caleb's heavy boots before she saw them. She saw Sophie's smile disappear as she stared at Jess. Unable to process the situation she just pushed Jess off of her and watched the young girl.

"I am not doing this tonight." Sophie said simply before she pushed her way passed her parents and ran up the stairs. She didn't even take time to focus on how Jess was reacting to that, she just ran up the stairs following her daughter.

* * *

She hates him. His own daughter hates him. It must be in the damn genes. He tried not to think too much about it. She had every right to hate him. Sixteen years lost because of his teenage stupidity. He just looked at the teenage boy standing in front of him. The thought of his daughter being with that kid made him sick. He saw himself too much in that kid. "Boyfriend?" He asked as he just stood there not knowing what to say.

The punk just chuckled as he looked at Jess. "You could say that." He finally answered. "She will come around you know." He said as he walked towards the kitchen. Jess didn't know why he did it, but he followed the kid. "She wants to, but she just worries too much. And this isn't too easy on her." He didn't know why this kid was trying to have a heart to heart with him, but he just nodded at the words. "She probably will give you one swift kick to the shin and then hug you. She never actually thought this would happen, but somewhere in that heart of hers she loves you. Her mother made sure she did." He watched as the kid grabbed two sodas from the fridge and sat down at the table in the middle of the room. "You might want to take a seat though. Those Gilmore's can spend a whole night talking." The comment made him laugh.

"Some things never change I guess." He said as he sat down and looked at the kid. This boyfriend might not be so bad after all.


End file.
